If the Beijing Municipal Commission of Education (or as I will refer to it, the BMCE) has anything to do with it, soon all college students at Beijing universities will be required to take a course entitled, "Mental health for College Students" with a expanded section on 'relationship skills.'
According to the BMCE's plan, students would take a 16 to 18 hour class for one course credit. The course itself would cover nine chapters and follow a recently re-drafted syllabus outlined by the BMCE.
Upon hearing this news, I didn't know whether to laugh at be absurdity of it all or shake at my head at just shake my head at how misguided this entire idea seems.
After all, if love and relationships could be simply defined and outlined in a textbook, there wouldn't be millions upon millions of books, poems, songs, blogs, and even Twitter tags on the subject matter. But while many may wish it were so, relationships and love do not follow any set path nor do they they all fit in a certain mold. Perhaps if it did, then we could all take a class in high school, be done with it and literally move on with our lives.
Unfortunately, that's not how it works. What works for one person does not necessarily work for the next person. In fact, I'd personally argue that love's ability to morph and change according to the people and circumstances around it---much like a chameleon---is what makes it so mysterious and popular topic for literature, music and the like. With this in mind, I cannot see how anyone or any group of people could possibly outline in nine short chapters on what is is the 'right' and the 'wrong' way to handle relationships.
Showing posts with label Female. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Female. Show all posts
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Films, girls and sajiao
While perusing ChinaDaily.com the other day, I came across a column written by Qi Zhai entitled, "Time standing still for Chinese-style love affair," in which she examines the central relationships in two different Chinese movies (Street Angel and Under the Hawthorne Tree) made 70 years apart. In her examination of the two films, Qi Zhai realizes that despite that one was made in the 1930s and the other in 2010, the relationship archetypes both films remains the same.
In both these two films (and many others), Qi Zhai points out that the female character in the story is portrayed as very "childlike", while her male counterpart is more of the "eternally cheerful, silently suffering, unbreakably strong type." She goes on further to write that the relationship between both characters remind her much of a father-daughter relationship rather than a relationship between two people of equal maturity.
This portrayal of the ideal female counterpart in a relationship as being a naive, childlike is a large part of why I've never been drawn to to the Chinese and Korean soap operas (and films) that are very popular in China, Korea and abroad. I often find the female leads annoyingly dependent and difficult to relate to.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm hardly the type of girl who relies on others to take care of things for me. I take pride in the fact that I can (mostly) take care of myself. Consequently, I find other people who are overly needy or dependent very trying and seeing characters with such qualities on film or television, cringe-worthy. However, in Chinese culture, this archetype of a naive female and her strong, silent male counterpart is often portrayed as the ideal relationship.
Nothing demonstrates this more than the idea of sajiao ((撒娇), which the Modern Chinese Dictionary defines as, " to deliberately act like a spoiled child in front of someone because of the awareness of the other person's affection."*
From my understanding of sajiao, it's typically used by the female in relationships in order to invoke the male counterpart to do something for them as a sign of affection. Often times, the girl will act much like a spoiled young girl (as opposed to grown woman) in order to get her male companion to do whatever she wants him to do, even if she can do it perfectly well by herself. The only Western/English equivalent to sajiao that I can think of is the concept of a damsel-in-distress, but even that doesn't seem like an appropriate equailvent.
In both these two films (and many others), Qi Zhai points out that the female character in the story is portrayed as very "childlike", while her male counterpart is more of the "eternally cheerful, silently suffering, unbreakably strong type." She goes on further to write that the relationship between both characters remind her much of a father-daughter relationship rather than a relationship between two people of equal maturity.
This portrayal of the ideal female counterpart in a relationship as being a naive, childlike is a large part of why I've never been drawn to to the Chinese and Korean soap operas (and films) that are very popular in China, Korea and abroad. I often find the female leads annoyingly dependent and difficult to relate to.
As I mentioned in a previous post, I'm hardly the type of girl who relies on others to take care of things for me. I take pride in the fact that I can (mostly) take care of myself. Consequently, I find other people who are overly needy or dependent very trying and seeing characters with such qualities on film or television, cringe-worthy. However, in Chinese culture, this archetype of a naive female and her strong, silent male counterpart is often portrayed as the ideal relationship.
Nothing demonstrates this more than the idea of sajiao ((撒娇), which the Modern Chinese Dictionary defines as, " to deliberately act like a spoiled child in front of someone because of the awareness of the other person's affection."*
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| Wuzhen |
From my understanding of sajiao, it's typically used by the female in relationships in order to invoke the male counterpart to do something for them as a sign of affection. Often times, the girl will act much like a spoiled young girl (as opposed to grown woman) in order to get her male companion to do whatever she wants him to do, even if she can do it perfectly well by herself. The only Western/English equivalent to sajiao that I can think of is the concept of a damsel-in-distress, but even that doesn't seem like an appropriate equailvent.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
The Gender Divide
Before coming to China, I never really considered myself a feminist. Sure, I believe that women are equal to men and (for the most part), whatever a man can do, a woman can do just as well. But this hardly qualifies me to declare myself an adamant feminist, at least in my opinion. Instead, I'd say my perspective on is quite the norm for many people living in the 21st century.
Coming to China, though, has made me re-think how "normal" my perspectives on gender really is. Now before you get the wrong idea, I'm not saying that Chinese people or the people I've met here in Beijing are sexist and don't believe women should be in the workplace because that's not what I'm saying. It's just that here in China, and with many of the people I've met here, there's still a concept of inherently male & female things and activities.
Take smoking, for instance. In the United States, if you're a female smoker, for the most part, you're not treated or viewed differently from a male smoker. Smoking is an equal opportunity activity (to kill yourself). But here in China, where smoking exponentially more common, the majority of smokers are male. I'd say, from my personal observations at BNU, male smokers probably out-number the female smokers 10 to 1, perhaps even more. In addition, while a male smoker elicits no response from passerbys, a female smoker elicits looks of shock, disapproval or disgust (not that I know form personal experience since I do not smoke). As one of my Chinese friends explained to me, males smoking here in China is considered the norm, but a female smoking is considered trashy.
Example #2: At the beginning of my time here in Beijing, I was speaking to one of my (male) classmates, Robin, about what I like to do with my free time and the topic of shopping came up. Robin was shocked to learn that I wasn't particularly fond of shopping and in response said something along the lines of, "Don't all girls love shopping?" Jokingly, I retorted back at him saying, "I bet you like shopping more than I do. You look like the kind of guy that likes to shop." He, in return, was quick to say that he didn't like shopping either and that shopping was a woman's activity.
Example #3: The a week or two ago at lunch, the concept of a housewife came up in conversation. Prior to our lunch, we had our conversation class in which we learned vocabulary concerning our parents' professions and one of the words we learned was the Mandarin term for a housewife (which I've since forgotten). That day at lunch, I said that I didn't want just to be someone's housewife later in life, at which point several of my classmates looked quite surprised. Their shocked looks in return shocked me. Considering it's 2010 and several of my classmates at this particular lunch were (college-educated) females as well, I hardly thought my declaration was in any way surprising. But apparently, it was.
(Disclaimer: It must be noted in the above scenario, something might've been lost in translation or perhaps a housewife is a very respected position in their home countries. I don't know and I don't mean to portray my classmates in a negative light, I'm just telling you about what happened from my personal perspective.)
Now before I get ahead of myself, I am not saying that we've completely erased gender differences in the United States; that's hardly the case. But distinguishing boundary between what belongs in the so-called female sphere versus the male sphere is much more blurry. Sure many girls like shopping in the United States, but so do many guys. Nor is a female smoker considered any different from a male one.
Likewise, chivalry, at least in my experience, is largely a thought of yesteryear in the United States. Perhaps it's just the people I keep company with but from my experience with my male friends, they rarely, if ever, hold the door open for me or offer to help me with my books*. In fact, a while back I commented to one of my friends in the United States that, "You know chivalry is dead when you feel oddly uncomfortable when a guy opens a door for you." However, here in China the idea of chivalry still prevails. It's pretty common to see males carrying their female friend's or girlfriend's books and/or purses for them.
Not that I'm really one to complain about a lack of "chivalry," since I've always been the type of independent person that much rather take care of herself, include matters concerning opening doors and the such. But the fact that I don't expect (nor really feel comfortable with) such gestures is pretty indicative just blurred or perhaps almost completely nonexistent traditional gender roles are in the United States.
Of course, I don't mean to say that the American concept of gender roles (or lack thereof) is any more correct or better than the more traditional concepts of gender here in China. Personally, I'm more accustomed and prefer the American perspective on gender and gender equality, but since I was raised in the United States, that's hardly surprising. However, I also realize that there are many people who prefer maintaining the more traditional roles intact. Neither of us are wrong for the most part, it's just different and learning to accept the differences in culture is half the battle when you're living abroad.
So on that note, I'm going to end this very long, slightly rambling blog. Enjoy the photo below.
*To my male friends back at home: don't take that statement as poor reflection on yourselves. I like our friendships the way they are.
Coming to China, though, has made me re-think how "normal" my perspectives on gender really is. Now before you get the wrong idea, I'm not saying that Chinese people or the people I've met here in Beijing are sexist and don't believe women should be in the workplace because that's not what I'm saying. It's just that here in China, and with many of the people I've met here, there's still a concept of inherently male & female things and activities.
Take smoking, for instance. In the United States, if you're a female smoker, for the most part, you're not treated or viewed differently from a male smoker. Smoking is an equal opportunity activity (to kill yourself). But here in China, where smoking exponentially more common, the majority of smokers are male. I'd say, from my personal observations at BNU, male smokers probably out-number the female smokers 10 to 1, perhaps even more. In addition, while a male smoker elicits no response from passerbys, a female smoker elicits looks of shock, disapproval or disgust (not that I know form personal experience since I do not smoke). As one of my Chinese friends explained to me, males smoking here in China is considered the norm, but a female smoking is considered trashy.
Example #2: At the beginning of my time here in Beijing, I was speaking to one of my (male) classmates, Robin, about what I like to do with my free time and the topic of shopping came up. Robin was shocked to learn that I wasn't particularly fond of shopping and in response said something along the lines of, "Don't all girls love shopping?" Jokingly, I retorted back at him saying, "I bet you like shopping more than I do. You look like the kind of guy that likes to shop." He, in return, was quick to say that he didn't like shopping either and that shopping was a woman's activity.
Example #3: The a week or two ago at lunch, the concept of a housewife came up in conversation. Prior to our lunch, we had our conversation class in which we learned vocabulary concerning our parents' professions and one of the words we learned was the Mandarin term for a housewife (which I've since forgotten). That day at lunch, I said that I didn't want just to be someone's housewife later in life, at which point several of my classmates looked quite surprised. Their shocked looks in return shocked me. Considering it's 2010 and several of my classmates at this particular lunch were (college-educated) females as well, I hardly thought my declaration was in any way surprising. But apparently, it was.
(Disclaimer: It must be noted in the above scenario, something might've been lost in translation or perhaps a housewife is a very respected position in their home countries. I don't know and I don't mean to portray my classmates in a negative light, I'm just telling you about what happened from my personal perspective.)
Now before I get ahead of myself, I am not saying that we've completely erased gender differences in the United States; that's hardly the case. But distinguishing boundary between what belongs in the so-called female sphere versus the male sphere is much more blurry. Sure many girls like shopping in the United States, but so do many guys. Nor is a female smoker considered any different from a male one.
Likewise, chivalry, at least in my experience, is largely a thought of yesteryear in the United States. Perhaps it's just the people I keep company with but from my experience with my male friends, they rarely, if ever, hold the door open for me or offer to help me with my books*. In fact, a while back I commented to one of my friends in the United States that, "You know chivalry is dead when you feel oddly uncomfortable when a guy opens a door for you." However, here in China the idea of chivalry still prevails. It's pretty common to see males carrying their female friend's or girlfriend's books and/or purses for them.
Not that I'm really one to complain about a lack of "chivalry," since I've always been the type of independent person that much rather take care of herself, include matters concerning opening doors and the such. But the fact that I don't expect (nor really feel comfortable with) such gestures is pretty indicative just blurred or perhaps almost completely nonexistent traditional gender roles are in the United States.
Of course, I don't mean to say that the American concept of gender roles (or lack thereof) is any more correct or better than the more traditional concepts of gender here in China. Personally, I'm more accustomed and prefer the American perspective on gender and gender equality, but since I was raised in the United States, that's hardly surprising. However, I also realize that there are many people who prefer maintaining the more traditional roles intact. Neither of us are wrong for the most part, it's just different and learning to accept the differences in culture is half the battle when you're living abroad.
So on that note, I'm going to end this very long, slightly rambling blog. Enjoy the photo below.
*To my male friends back at home: don't take that statement as poor reflection on yourselves. I like our friendships the way they are.
Retirees relaxing and flying kites at Ritan Park. Notice none of the retirees are female.
Don't they look so happy?
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